The Dichotomy between Success and Failure

By Aastha Dixit

(Image source: entrepreneur.com)

"Even at the moment of your failure, right then, you are beautiful. You don't know it yet, but you have the ability to reinvent yourself endlessly. That's your beauty."

-Lidia Yuknavitch.

In life, as we run frantically to dodge failure, we never realise that the real beauty of being

human can only be known when one fails. Failure surely comes with pain and ugliness but it

always has a certain beauty about it. To understand this we need to revisit the dichotomy

between success and failure.

In his book "Tuesdays with Morrie", Mitch Albom goes on to narrate a very interesting incident of his professor, Morrie. A game was being played in the college and the students watching it kept chanting for their favourite team, “We are Number One!!! We are Number One!!!" Suddenly Morrie stands up and says aloud, "Why, what’s wrong in being Number Two?” This absurd question leaves everyone silent and stupefied. The question seems too uncomfortable because it contradicts what we were always taught. We have always been asked to win and outdo anyone and everyone all the time. This is the idea that most of us are fed with for our entire childhoods- being successful is equal to winning and proving that you are the best among them all. So as we grow old, we do everything we can to win that medal, that trophy, the high percentage, crack that big exam, go to that prestigious institution and get that high paying job. But at some point in time, a big failure inevitably hits us & we are left behind in this rat race. We fail. We fail miserably. And for the wrong and partially toxic definition of success engraved in our heads, we face a hard time coping with the pain and powerlessness that comes with it. The damage done to the self esteem and to the confidence seems irrevocable. But only if we were given a somewhat simpler and kinder definition of success, the burden of failure would never have been this heavy.

In life, we turn everything into a reckless competition. We don't pause to realize that before anything else life was and will always be a space meant to learn and grow and help others for the same. Maybe there will always be a need to compete and there will always be "winners" but there will never be a loser. Success is not really about clinching those gold medals and first positions. It's more about the process and the efforts that go behind it all and the person you become in that process. Success is about leaving yourself vulnerable but gathering every ounce of courage and taking that one blind leap of faith. Faith in yourself, your talent. It's about the hard work and the hustle. Sounds cliche but it's always about giving your best and becoming a better version of yourself. The consequences of your endeavours are important for sure. But what is more valuable is the experience you gained in the entire process. Even when you lose, remember that if you did learn something new from that process, if you now know how to mend your mistakes and how to be better, you did not actually lose. The world might call you a loser, but then just look at yourself, look at how much you have grown and how much you have worked hard. Acknowledge this undeniable fact and be proud. Flaws are things of great value.

Your mistakes shall lead you to glory. However small the progress might be, it's still progress and it's still valuable. You are never a loser. The only person who can be called a failure is someone who stops trying. You are a failure when you are always scared to do things, when you are too afraid to get out of that comfort zone of yours. You are a failure if you stop trying after failing once. Success is about standing tall even when life knocks you down and drags you through hell. It's about how willing you are to get up again and face your challenges head on, no matter how difficult it all seems.

All this is not to say that one should be less ambitious. It is about acknowledging everyone has a unique set of talents and potential. It is about seeing life not as a competition but as place to try, grow, make mistakes and try again. For that we have to learn how to fail. When the world says that you have been defeated, when it becomes too unkind and throws at you its judgements, you remember to give yourself all the kindness and patience. On some days

success will look like getting yourself out of bed, taking a shower, quietly forgiving yourself and gently reminding yourself, "I can start again." Always remember, the trophies and medals and high scores on papers can never decide how lovable you are. You are lovable even without them. You can be loved and you are capable of loving yourself even when you fail. Be proud of your fall, be proud of the efforts you made. If you feel they weren't enough, be kind to yourself and try again or start anew. Trust the path your failures have put you on.

Theodore Roosevelt once said, "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." May this be your source of strength. May you be kind to yourself today. Everyday.